I do not know what is my feeling now. Sad and happy?
Grandma is going off in her last journey in about few hours time. It is 5 am now. I am still wide awake now and I did not sleep the whole night. I am crying now while writing. It was 2nd time I cried since the first day grandma had left. I can’t control but I also do not wish to hold my tears now……
Day one, dad called me while i was on the bus to work. Tears rolled down. I can’t help it. Her wake was held for 5 days, and everyone did not shed a tear at there, especially third aunt. I knew she had cried and she looked pale and sad but she did not shed a tear at the wake. Bravo for her and us.
But i think there will be crying later when we are sending grandma from her last journey to her new begining at the other world. I always think that grandma will meet up and unite with my great grand ma when she left. I will always rem grandma and great grand ma during my younger days at their house. All the memories will be locked inside my heart.
Grandma was a brave lady. Why? becoz she knew that her days were limited since she got stroke a few years back. Once, she had given up herself, but she braced herself up… She knew what was happening around her even though she had stroke. I believed she wanted to hold on till the last breath. She had been in and out of hospital a lot of times, but she made it through every time. I also believed that she had hold on till I got married and wanted to drink the grand-daughter’s tea. I was glad grandma had drank the tea.
I feel sad that she left.
However, I feel happy that she had left. coz she finally held on till the last breath ( till all her organs had stopped working). I feel happy becos grandma had left in a healthy way.. ( meaning not in illness). I feel happy becos grandma will not have any sufferings. I feel happy becos grandma can unite with great grand ma, (total 3 great grand ma) & grand pa. I feel happy becos she had her 4 children with grand children and great grandchildren united together to send her off.
Grandma, take care and we will miss you. =)
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